Thinking of Chiangmai...
Back from my graduation trip. Glad that I did it all alone. Forced me to meet so many people, who showed me the many sides and shits of life. Thanx Nat, Laura, Kate, Anne, Constance, Chia, Niccolat, Rachel, Issao, Yumiko etc etc. All of you opened up my narrow world and showed me the possibilities and opportunities there are out there.
My heart aches as I write. I left it back in Chiangmai, partly becos of Him. Never felt like this before. Guess when someone pays attention to u, u can really feel very special. The sleepless nights thinking about Him, about his silly winks, love songs that he sings and the ways he had made me laughed. Never think I will like someone like Him, so flirtatious. No wonder ppl always say that girls prefer bad boys, guess it's true. After all he shouldn't be doing all that, especially since he has a gf already. But bit disappointed that he didn't even say goodbye. I shouldn't be reading too much of his flirting, probably he jus enjoy seeing me flushed when he teases me. Guess, we could still be friends, but really it's up to Him now. Wonder if he will ever email... Hope he will.
Another reason why I left my heart in Chiangmai.. I don't want to face the realities of life yet. Already Sis has warned me of my responsibilities to the family. That I have a need to work n earn money to contribute to the family. It's not that I don't want to, but jus that I don't even have a direction in life yet. When will I ever find the purpose of my life, the destiny that Buddha in heavens set out for me? Why am I still floundering? Why do I still feel lost?
This trip is suppose to let me think abt what I want in life, but don't think i manage to find an answer at all. Well, though things have pretty much fall into place with my work with the interview thingy coming up next tue, but still sometimes I can't help but ask myself if it's what I really want? Then again, I guess I may never know what I really want till I tried many different things. This is probably the first work that I am really going to try. I shall resolve to stick to it, survive the one year if I do get it. Maybe I will like it, maybe I won't. But I definitely have to try it out before I find out for myself.
Guess this trip is a good closure to my 1st phase of life. Also, the stuff i've learnt may be the start of my next phase 22.5 years. And this blog shall also be the new begining.. hopefully, the sky is brighter and clearer in days to come.
My heart aches as I write. I left it back in Chiangmai, partly becos of Him. Never felt like this before. Guess when someone pays attention to u, u can really feel very special. The sleepless nights thinking about Him, about his silly winks, love songs that he sings and the ways he had made me laughed. Never think I will like someone like Him, so flirtatious. No wonder ppl always say that girls prefer bad boys, guess it's true. After all he shouldn't be doing all that, especially since he has a gf already. But bit disappointed that he didn't even say goodbye. I shouldn't be reading too much of his flirting, probably he jus enjoy seeing me flushed when he teases me. Guess, we could still be friends, but really it's up to Him now. Wonder if he will ever email... Hope he will.
Another reason why I left my heart in Chiangmai.. I don't want to face the realities of life yet. Already Sis has warned me of my responsibilities to the family. That I have a need to work n earn money to contribute to the family. It's not that I don't want to, but jus that I don't even have a direction in life yet. When will I ever find the purpose of my life, the destiny that Buddha in heavens set out for me? Why am I still floundering? Why do I still feel lost?
This trip is suppose to let me think abt what I want in life, but don't think i manage to find an answer at all. Well, though things have pretty much fall into place with my work with the interview thingy coming up next tue, but still sometimes I can't help but ask myself if it's what I really want? Then again, I guess I may never know what I really want till I tried many different things. This is probably the first work that I am really going to try. I shall resolve to stick to it, survive the one year if I do get it. Maybe I will like it, maybe I won't. But I definitely have to try it out before I find out for myself.
Guess this trip is a good closure to my 1st phase of life. Also, the stuff i've learnt may be the start of my next phase 22.5 years. And this blog shall also be the new begining.. hopefully, the sky is brighter and clearer in days to come.
posted by Nia at
9:11 PM
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