'great' Expectations

Is it too much for a girl to request for her bf to remember a few important dates? Are men just wired to repel all dates from their memory?
I fail miserably at trying to get S to remember my birthday. Pathetic huh.. I've tried all kinds of ways to associate the date in his mind.. Nothing works. From the very first date, I mentioned my birthday to him.. That's more than a year ago, and till now.. he has only a vague idea of when it is. Well. .at least he got the month right.. :-(.
Just got off the phone with him... Today's my Chinese birthday, Mummy made me my family tradition of mee sua. Thought I used this as an excuse to see if he remembers my birthday... Alas, he doesn't. I'm not surprised really. I already knew that I shouldn't expect a positive response, but still.. couldn't help feel a little disappointed when the truth turns out as so. I trying not to correlate this to the level of importance that I am to him, for if I do, I would be crying my heart out now. But I am not.. guessed I have preped myself pretty well this time round...
I once rationalised that I should spell out my expectations to him clearly... Cos that's part of communication. (Note: It was after much anguish and buckets of tears that I managed to rationalise it to myself.) I plainly stated in an email that I want him to remember certain events in our r/s... These are events that are significant to me and I expect him to respect the significance too. My birthday is naturally one of them... But I guess he didn't take the email to heart.. He had never responsed to the email, never replied nor broached the topic over our many conversations. Am I asking for too much? Seriously, I think I am the least demanding gf around! I know of so many more girls who expect a lot more from their bfs.. But maybe to S, having additional things to remember is already too much...
Can a r/s with zero expectations from each other be real?

Cowardly Display

I'm scared. Scared of? The prospect of having to face formal job interviews.
I've only ever been to 2 interviews in my whole life. First was back at the naive age of 18, trying to convince the scholarship board that I am worth them banking a big sum of me for overseas study, and failing miserably at that. 2nd was 2+ years ago, in a 5 min interview, and being slammed by the employer, but thankfully, still managed to secure the offer.
As such, I have practically zero experience at handling interviews. I'm trembling inside now, thinking of having to sell myself to a potential employer.
It's a reversal of roles - from the one being courted, to the one seeking.
About 2.5 months ago, one of my suppliers surprised me with a potential job offer - essentially sales project management position. He's in need of an assistant to help him cope with the projects in the region and having interacted with me (or rather hounded by me for answers), thought I might be suitable. Hence the poaching exercise..
We had 2 rounds of discussion since, nothing formal, just talks about the position, and him trying to sell me the idea. But yesterday night, he called and stated I need to give him a reply - a reply of interest. From which, I will go on to the formal rounds of interviews.. 3 to be exact. With him, with some HR consultant, and other management in the company. That's where the fear comes in...
I know that for my own good, I should say yes and go through the interviews. Gaining experience at interviews can only be good for myself, and have nothing to lose. But I don't know if I am mentally prepared. But I guess I can make myself prepared. I just need to suck it up, and go through with it. Even if I don't get the job in the end, I will benefit from the whole process. I might even convince myself wholeheartedly that this career switch might be right for me..
I guess my fear stems from the fact that I am not 100% convinced of this offer. I've been struggling for past 2 and half months, thinking about this. It's a totally different ball of game from what I know. God knows why my supplier thinks I'm suitable. Just seem ludicrous to me that I turn from the client to the vendor, sitting now on the opposite side of the table, literally. I don't know if I can convince the interviewers that I am the best person for this job, when I can't even convince myself so. Maybe I need to deploy my acting skills.. But one should be honest and be oneself, acting will only make things disastrous. This position is attractive. Glamorous even. Jet-setting about the region. Representing one of the biggest players in the industry, with annual turnover of 1.4 Billion Euros! Wearing smart and chic clothes to meet clients, handling projects worth a few million euros each. This is all so different from my current work!
Oh well.. Guess I will indicate my interest. It's only the right and smart thing to do. From there, I will just have to face the music. Think I need retail therapy again... A round of shopping for interview clothes might just be the antidote to psyche myself up... Haa... Yes.. It's really just an excuse to go shopping...

I Gave Up Waiting...

"I gave up waiting for you to call me back...", I said last night to S.
What does this line mean to you when you hear it?
I tried to keep my tone of voice neutral, but I doubt I can totally hide my disappointment. Don't know if he sensed it.
For this r/s, I spend a lot of time waiting in front of the computer. Waiting for the correct time to call him, waiting for his call back. Sometimes it's a 10 min wait, but more often than not, it's a fruitless hour of waiting. Yesterday, was closer to the latter.
He said he will call me back in a few minutes, so I dutifully waited in front of my laptop, so that I can answer the call on Skype. I fell asleep waiting, it was past midnight already. Woke up 45 mins later, still there wasn't any call. Started to get a little disheartened, but know that he could be busy on the phone, so sent him a text message. Still no response. I gave up cos I really needed to get to bed. Just as I was falling asleep, my phone rang. It's him.
Perhaps, I should just be thankful that he did eventually call. And I am. But somehow, somehow... I felt awfully disappointed. Maybe because this isn't the first time... In fact, god knows how many times had this happened before. Though he did apologise, my disappointment wasn't appeased. It was a quick 'sorry', and that was it.
We talked for 3 mins... and had to hang up, cos it was 1 am already. I had to go to bed and he had to make more calls. But I didn't fall asleep immediately, though tired as I was. Instead, I tossed and turned. Finally fell asleep, thinking that all would be fine after a night's rest... But no. My feelings are still raw. I can't concentrate at work. My tears are falling again.
I'm afraid that the inevitable day will come very soon... That one day, I will vent off all my frustration and disappointment altogether at him. That I can no longer rationalise and act willfully. That I will hurt this r/s in my outburst and push him away. I'm scared this day will come, cos I don't want to lose him. It's starting to hurt... Maybe it's all a mistake right from the start.
Maybe I should give up altogether...

Same Side of the Moon

A song that is close to my heart...

S A M E S I D E O F T H E M O O N - Corrinne May

I'm looking out the window
Where we sat to watch the stars
There's a chill within the air
It makes my heart long for your touch
You may be miles away
But as I kneel to pray

I see the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space
can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all my tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon.

I picture you across the oceans
In your corner of the world
I pray the wind will blow my voice
And gently whisper in your ear
Your night may be my day
And though the seasons change

It's still the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space
can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all my tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon

A Fairytale Start, but Ending?

Let me tell you a story...

A girl from a faraway land met a guy, playing the piano at an arts festival on a rainny day. The pianist courted her for half a year and stole her heart. After she returned to her homeland, they try to keep in touch... But alas, it's not always that easy...

That's the start of the story.. like a fairytale being written...

And a fairytale it might really be... for sometimes the relationship seems so intangible to the girl. So far-fetched that she can't grasp it. She is trying hard to work towards a happy ending, but can't see the goal in sight.

If a relationship is like a thread linking two people, and how tight the string is held relates to the strength of the relationship, how can the string ever have any tension if only one of the two hands holding the string makes the effort to pull? And in time, won't that hand get tired?

Every relationship needs effort to be built upon, and the effort must come from both parties. The girl in the story is starting to feel a little tired. She tries so hard to pull her string tight, but it doesn't seem to yield any effect. Is the pianist just holding on to the string or is he pulling too? Somehow, I get the feeling it's the former.

Then again, maybe the girl should just be glad that he hasn't let go of the string as yet. For if he lets go, can she too? Probably not.

The girl is starting to crave for a little pampering and a little concrete indication that she matters to him, but can the pianist sense that? Will the girl burn out soon in this relationship? Or will it be a happy ending? Only time can tell.

Sinful Indulgence

Spent a pretty sinful night. Loaded up on the calories and intoxication. Was out with my JC classmates to splurge and make merry. Haa.
Went to the chocolate factory for dessert. Or should I say.. appetizer, main course and dessert!? Haa. Didn't eat dinner at all, decided to save up on the calories for my favourite course of the meal. Got a hot chocolate to start off while waiting on the guys to fill their stomach with proper food. The hot chocolate is amazing. Though not really hot, which doesn't quite matter since it's so warm in Singapore, the drink was rich and thick and had a kick at the end of each sip.. As there was chili powder inside! SOOO Good!

When the others came, got 4 different desserts to share around.. All full of chocolate! There's the souffle.. SUPERB! A hazelnut tart on brilliant crust... A heavenly peach infused cake.. and decadent black currant infused one.. All were so yummy. Was even better than the chocolate buffets I've had before at fullerton and meritus mandarin. Sigh.. definitely want to go back again.. Just for the hot chocolate drink...

Headed over to a wine bar after tt... There was a promo - buy 2 bottles get 1 free! I'm an idiot when it comes to wine.. so let the guys picked. First up was a light white German Riesling. It was nice, light on the palate. And of cos, there must be cheese and crackers to go with the wines!Then we had a Chilean Red Merlot... Surprisingly easy to drink too as it was not tart at all...

My alcohol tolerance as usual was so low... started to fall asleep by the 2nd glass of the white wine. Could only manage one more of the red.. My friend had to bring back the 3rd bottle. They got a Chilean red Shiraz, following the recommendation of the manager there. He was a friendly guy and very knowledgeable on wines, having travelled to many countries learning and tasting wines. It was fun talking to him and was a great night out with my friends. It's definitely one of my few wild nights out! Haa..

Protect the lady!

Together in unity...

KQ and IHM and I

And of cos.. dear YP

At Crossroads.. Yet again

Somehow I have to go through this once every year since I graduated in 2005. It's the same feeling of not knowing what to do, how to do, what I want in life all over again. Thought that I would be happy in this job, been great for almost a whole year. But alas, good things don't last long. But I am still thankful for it, for all the opportunities it gave me during the amazing 6 months in the US.
Anyway, starting to be troubled about my next step in life again. This is because there's been lots of changes at work. A big pharma is likely leasing/buying our place and we have to move out of the original space, hence wasting a whole year's effort. All this uncertainty is making me rethink my options. Took up this job cos I liked the prospect that I will be involved in the fore-front of medical developments in Singapore and that there is great sense of ownership for being in the project right from the start. But with the pharma taking over, we will just end up as another replica of their many other manufacturing sites in other countries. Everything is dictated, just copy and follow. I don't like that.
As such, I am now starting to look at alternatives. But it's immensely difficult. I think I've found an industry that I'm keen in. I know I want to be in the medical and health care field. I like to know that my work will directly or indirectly help someone in need. But I'm not a doctor or a nurse. Not that it hasn't cross my mind to be one, but I doubt I have the abilities to survive medical school. Also, I still like be involved in research, I still love learning about the science. A new promising treatment, an alternative drug etc. Hence I think a job relating to clinical research is suitable for me. But what aspects of clinical research? That's a question I've been trying to find answers to... Singapore isn't the best place for such work and yet I'm stuck here for 2 years due to visa regulations. It's tiring finding out all these things... To study? Study where? Study what? To work? Work where? What job? Too many questions... I'm lost all over again.