Faith

When do you know you've fallen in love?
When do you know that you have passed the 'I like you' stage?
What is the significance of 'I love you'?
Why is it that to some they can rattle these 3 words without any qualms, but yet to others, they weigh heavy on the heart.
When did you first say these 3 words to you beloved?

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Relationship is a demanding thing. It needs time, effort and tons of affection to nuture and grow. It is already complicated without additional factors like distance to make matters worse. But if you are unfortunate, like me, where there are issues like that to cope with, I guess you need double the faith and trust.
I know I do, and I am trying very hard to draw on all the strength I have. But inevitably, there are times when my strength isn't enough, and the feelings of missing overwhelms, that's when I can only let my tears wash away any pain. So yes, I have been crying awfully lot recently. I don't forsee myself to stop the tears for they are my form of expression, but they should not be interpretated as a sign of weakness. It's a release. When the tears dry, I will have regained my strength to believe. I cry not because I am hurt, I cry because I have no other way to relief myself of the feelings. I do miss him so very much.
I guess I am thankful that at least I only need my strength to build on the faith in this relationship for I can trust him wholly. I just need to believe that we can build on this challenge of distance and our feelings for each other will only deepen and not fade. I need to have faith.

Nauseous

I get this nauseous feeling as a reaction to my emotional, mental and physical status. Naturally, it's when one of them isn't quite right. Physical nauseousness happens when I get one of those irritating migraines. Mental or emotional nauseous is like right now, when things don't seem to be going right for me.
Just got an email from my boss this morning. She literally dumped a major task on my head without prior warning. It's very imporatant work and with immediate deadline and worse thing is, it's something I am clueless about. There are tons of technical details that I have to learn and understand and doesn't make it better that I've never used it before. In fact, only seen one from afar once! Feeling kind of lost and overwhelmed, so my head is whirling, not knowing where to start and how.
Not emotionally strongest right now either. Being hundreds of thousands of miles apart from someone you care very much really isn't the easiest thing to cope with. Time and distant difference is hard to bridge. People say absence makes the heart fonder, but I wonder if there is a limit to the absence. The yearning and missing can be so hard, it feels like someone is wrenching your heart. It gravitates to a physical heartache.
Crying is my form of relieve. Tears just fall uncontrollably down my cheeks. Can only wish that with each teardrop, the pain and wrenchness in the heart eases by a little.

Back to Steady State

I'm back. In case I haven't informed you... Sorry. Came back about 9 days ago... First couple of days were hell. My body was still living in Houston time.. Sleeping when I should be awake and vice-versa. Getting back to work immediately actually helped. Since have to force myself to keep awake at the endless meetings (tiring but interesting nonetheless), so will be super tired when I get home, hence actually allowing myself to sleep in the correct timezone. Though now I've adjusted back, I'm so tired at work that I always fall asleep on the couch after dinner... Haa. Coming back to reality now. No more 9-4 working hours (or shorter!). Oh well.. Still enjoying my work no less. Been exciting and challenging... Hopefully 3 months down the road, I can still say the same. =P
A friend asked me if my 6 mths in US was life-changing. My reply to that was 'Not yet'. My core believes and principles remained fundamentally the same, but am definitely more opened to things. The restriction on my residency in SG for two years, essentially tied down my opportunities within the period. But my experience overseas told me that I could really benefit a lot career wise, personal growth wise that I seek out more opportunities overseas. To live in another culture is mind-opening. It helps me understand more about myself and the variety in life. This experience was in a way like the overseas community projects I did back in 2001-2003. Every trip was a self and world discovery.
Things will be pretty much at equilibrium for these two years, but I can't live my life without highs and lows. An weirdly for me, excitement in life only comes when I'm out of the country. Hence, I am definitely going to try and work overseas again after these 2 years. Or maybe even study.. nothing related to Chemistry, but maybe a masters in my work field if I figured out that this line is for me... In the mean time, I will face my work with enthusiasm and fervour. Steady state can be a good thing too....