I Gave Up Waiting...

"I gave up waiting for you to call me back...", I said last night to S.
What does this line mean to you when you hear it?
I tried to keep my tone of voice neutral, but I doubt I can totally hide my disappointment. Don't know if he sensed it.
For this r/s, I spend a lot of time waiting in front of the computer. Waiting for the correct time to call him, waiting for his call back. Sometimes it's a 10 min wait, but more often than not, it's a fruitless hour of waiting. Yesterday, was closer to the latter.
He said he will call me back in a few minutes, so I dutifully waited in front of my laptop, so that I can answer the call on Skype. I fell asleep waiting, it was past midnight already. Woke up 45 mins later, still there wasn't any call. Started to get a little disheartened, but know that he could be busy on the phone, so sent him a text message. Still no response. I gave up cos I really needed to get to bed. Just as I was falling asleep, my phone rang. It's him.
Perhaps, I should just be thankful that he did eventually call. And I am. But somehow, somehow... I felt awfully disappointed. Maybe because this isn't the first time... In fact, god knows how many times had this happened before. Though he did apologise, my disappointment wasn't appeased. It was a quick 'sorry', and that was it.
We talked for 3 mins... and had to hang up, cos it was 1 am already. I had to go to bed and he had to make more calls. But I didn't fall asleep immediately, though tired as I was. Instead, I tossed and turned. Finally fell asleep, thinking that all would be fine after a night's rest... But no. My feelings are still raw. I can't concentrate at work. My tears are falling again.
I'm afraid that the inevitable day will come very soon... That one day, I will vent off all my frustration and disappointment altogether at him. That I can no longer rationalise and act willfully. That I will hurt this r/s in my outburst and push him away. I'm scared this day will come, cos I don't want to lose him. It's starting to hurt... Maybe it's all a mistake right from the start.
Maybe I should give up altogether...

Same Side of the Moon

A song that is close to my heart...

S A M E S I D E O F T H E M O O N - Corrinne May

I'm looking out the window
Where we sat to watch the stars
There's a chill within the air
It makes my heart long for your touch
You may be miles away
But as I kneel to pray

I see the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space
can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all my tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon.

I picture you across the oceans
In your corner of the world
I pray the wind will blow my voice
And gently whisper in your ear
Your night may be my day
And though the seasons change

It's still the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space
can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all my tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon

A Fairytale Start, but Ending?

Let me tell you a story...

A girl from a faraway land met a guy, playing the piano at an arts festival on a rainny day. The pianist courted her for half a year and stole her heart. After she returned to her homeland, they try to keep in touch... But alas, it's not always that easy...

That's the start of the story.. like a fairytale being written...

And a fairytale it might really be... for sometimes the relationship seems so intangible to the girl. So far-fetched that she can't grasp it. She is trying hard to work towards a happy ending, but can't see the goal in sight.

If a relationship is like a thread linking two people, and how tight the string is held relates to the strength of the relationship, how can the string ever have any tension if only one of the two hands holding the string makes the effort to pull? And in time, won't that hand get tired?

Every relationship needs effort to be built upon, and the effort must come from both parties. The girl in the story is starting to feel a little tired. She tries so hard to pull her string tight, but it doesn't seem to yield any effect. Is the pianist just holding on to the string or is he pulling too? Somehow, I get the feeling it's the former.

Then again, maybe the girl should just be glad that he hasn't let go of the string as yet. For if he lets go, can she too? Probably not.

The girl is starting to crave for a little pampering and a little concrete indication that she matters to him, but can the pianist sense that? Will the girl burn out soon in this relationship? Or will it be a happy ending? Only time can tell.