My Need

A friend 'complained' that I haven't been updating my blog. How true. It's been almost a month since my last entry. Frankly speaking, it's not that I don't want to write. In fact I did attempt to, there were 2 postings that I wrote half way before giving up. Partly due to lack of internet access at home. But more importantly, I find that I can't put my thoughts coherrently into words. Half way through writing, I would end up having nothing to say. Then I would look back at what I have written and think: why am I writing such stuff of nonimportance? Of course, no one dictates how you should write your blog. But for me, this blog is meant for me to reflect upon my life regularly, kind of force myself to take time off and look at things in perspective and not get caught up in the rush of life. Of course, it's also a means of communication to my dearest friends...

Anyhow, these few weeks been so busy that I have precisely been doing what I am not suppose to - live life in a whirl and forget to take a step back and look at my life from another angle. If I did, my mind was probably in such a messy state that I drew no conclusions and just repeated each day as it was. Inside my puny brain, there is a swarm of things floating around. My thoughts just jump from one thing to another, in no logical sense at all.

Why is this happening? I have no idea. Maybe I've been too caught up in work. Work has been busy but thankfully, it has been fun. I'm glad that till now, all the interns have been working together and made work so much more fun. I'm blessed to not dread work every morning, in fact I look forward to it. Eager to find out how's our experiments coming along. As much a headache as the experiments have been, I do enjoy working on them. The learning has been steep and I think because there's a lot of active and experiential learning, I have gained a lot.

Outside work, my life is pretty much a blank. I try to be physically active, go to the gym, start a regular badminton session and hopefully go kayaking soon. Think it's important to fill my life other stuff besides work. I don't want to fall into the typical working life cycle of just work and home.

Though life is busy enough as it is already, recently started having this nagging feeling that I still lack something. And I found the answer to it after meeting up with a friend, F. F came back from Pakistan recently, was there helping out the quake victims. Her comments and sharing dug out that passion for community service that I had buried away for a couple of years. On my shelf, facing my bed, are a couple of pictures. One - my favourite, was a picture of me standing in front of a paddy field in the countryside of Cambodia, another was me 'meditating' at the ruins of Wat Phu in Laos. Every night, before turning in, my heart tugs as I look upon those pictures. Those were the happiest days of my life. What I won't give to relive them again. But alas, life never goes the way one wishes. I think I need to get myself involved in some project again. I need the feeling and knowledge that I am doing something meaningful in life. I need that feeling and knowledge to drive me again, to fill my life with memories, to live my life passionately.