Whirlwind

The week went by in a whirlwind. Before I know it, it's Sunday night already... And I have tonnes of work yet to be completed. Work has been fine till now... Hiccups are inevitable, since I'm doing research. Only problem is that hiccups sure make progress tough. Racked my brain trying to find solutions... Luckily my bosses are nice... Heng ah. Did OT for the first time, though think my boss don't know! Aiyah.. wasted! Haa. Cannot earn brownie points!
Going out is one expensive activity. Just yesterday... meeting friends for lunch and karaoke cost me like $40? Sigh... But luckily with work, not keen on going out on weekdays. At least will limit my splurges to weekends. Well, I guess it's only fair to myself that I get to spend a bit... Hey, reward the week's hardwork.
Had a eat-in on friday with the girls, G, V and W. Very fun. I brought vege wantan while the girls brought spaggetti. Was fun to sit ard and chit chat over lunch. Even played silly 终极密码to try finish off the parmesan cheese. Quite funny. Hopefully will have more of this.
Lab work is great.. Becose of the tonnes of waiting time in between, got many chances to talk to my mentors and understand more about them. Luckily, everyone at office is very nice and friendly. Well.. maybe except one guy.. he's just shy though. Hee.. and have yet to have chance to work with him.. In time. In time.
Just received my first pay. Funny... got full $2000 though took 1 day leave. Realised been a very terrible shopperholic since I came back from Thailand. Especially the period in between Chiangmai and start of work. Never have spare time on one's hands.. it will only mean that I will be spending money. So I must get as busy as possible!! No time to spend money!!
Finally went to one of the CC's massage classes... turned out to be a waste of time. Was not informative at all and they were very 随便about the stuff they taught. Sigh.. How I wish I am back in Thailand taking much more formal massage lessons.
All these activities didn't give me much time to reflect on the stuff I have done. Everyday after work.. am just glad to sit in front of TV and be blasted with mindless info. Don't need to process the information.. Just let them go in one ear and come out the next.
Oddly enough.. my sleep hasn't been the best though. Well.. still rested enough. Just having stupid dreams again. And I really mean stupid dreams where non-coherent things in my life come together in a ridiculous story. Can't say I remember them after I woke up.. but just feel absurb at the storyline. Haa. Think such dreams happen when I am too free... When my brain has nothing better to do. At other nights, I've been waking up every couple of hours. Don't know why really....
Hmm.. Suddenly realise I don't really know what I am tokking about.Losing my train of thought... Just a whole lot of blantering...To whom ever is reading this.. Thanx for bearing with me..

Another Chance

A Singaporean I got to know when I was in Chiangmai called. She is going back to Chiangmai in August to do a massage course - in my school. So called to find out about it. Speaking to her brought back all the memories again. Of Chiangmai and the people. Of my massage class and ... Him. Hmmm. Toying with the idea of getting my friend to pass him a letter, but wondering about his compentency in English. Haa. His written English really isn't good. Speaks fine though.. Enough to understand easily, but writes horribly. Haa.. Can't even spell "ear"!! (He was writing out the answers to the energy lines during our written test, but couldn't spell some parts of the body. Haa .. Yes.. All very kelong one.) Wonder if he will attempt to contact me through email after receiving my letter. Wonder if we will be able to set up a correspondence of sort. Wonder...
Thought I will have a lot of emotions when I think of Him again.. Didn't.. Truly.. Guess it doesn't take too much to lose your attachements to someone. Just give yourself a bit of time.. Time Heals. It really does. Even now, given the prospect of communicating with him once again, I do not feel the tugs of the heart as before. The heart wrenchedness has gone completely. Thank Buddha. Hee.
I just wish to be able to start corresponding with him again. Maintain a friendship. Hey... After the 1 year internship, I still want to go back to Chiangmai and do more massage classes! Only make good sense to have a local friend ah.. Have someone to rely upon in times of need. 出外靠朋友嘛。Oh well.. Hopefully he does get back to me somehow... Hopefully.

Seeking Independence

Most people think I am pretty independent. Well... At least I would think most people think of me that way. Jetting off to do a solo trip and stuff. New acquaintances even think I am the sporty type! Haa!! But frankly speaking, I am actually very reliant and passive when I am in Singapore. Think I have two personality: In Singapore - Reliant, Lazy, Slack, Complacent, Boring. Overseas - Active, Independent, Enthusiastic, Reflective. Hmm... Don't seem too good. Why this difference in attitude? Well, I seriously think being in Singapore is to be contained in my comfort zone. And when I am in my comfort zone.. Well.. I am very comfortable. Nothing provokes my life. Nothing stimulates my mind. My brain is in the degenerative state. I need stimuli to excite me!
My plan to continue with massage classes didn't go too well. Classes have been postponed and further postponed. Worst still, cancelled! Guess, most Singaporeans are only keen on being the receiving side of massage. =(
This weekend is very non-exciting. Last week at least there was still chalet. This week.. Nothing interesting. Well, except for Zpop concert, which was so so only. Think I am too old to appreciate pop music. As I was telling my friend. I have moved on from 93.3fm to Gold 90.5fm!! Sigh... Must resign to the fate that I am old liao...
Also, I've been thinking. I should learn to be more independent. I always have all these ideas to go do many activities. Go for the macritchie treetop walk, have a picnic in the gardens, listen to the free concerts at esplanade on weekend evenings etc etc. But then, well.. My friends are very busy people. Or rather, my circle of close friends actually quite limited. Of cos, I have many friends from over the years, but not many whom I can spontaneously jio to go out. My sister is in 遥远的美国, Bian is in Oz. Rest few closer ones, well.. They have their partners to attend to. Can't demand too much.
Another thing is.. I used to be very contended to stay at home and basically do nothing. I enjoyed staying at home and do nothing. Enjoy the peacefulness of being at home. But now.. Like today. I don't enjoy it anymore. Maybe because I am alone at home. My mom is occupied with her singing classes, Sis has bf, Bro has gf, Dad in India! All alone... In the past, usually someone is in with me... Think I am not used to this loneliness. Hmm.. I need a bf to dispel the loneliness. Haa. But don't think I have the good luck as yet... Cupid hasn't shot any arrows in my direction. Haa...
Anyway, back to the point of being more independent... I am thinking that I should be more independent. There's no need to always be accompanied on the activities I want to do. I can just go ahead and do them on my own. I can always go alone to esplanade or botanic gardens or where ever I fancy. Hey, I've traveled overseas on my own.. What's the big deal of visiting places in Singapore alone? Think it's more of my mentality. I should stop thinking that doing such activities alone won't be fun. I think I should convert my split personality to: typical working Singaporean on weekdays and tourist in Singapore on weekends (for until my internship ends at least)! That way, I will fill my weekends with adventures to discover Singapore! Then maybe I will be contented with my life...

Time flies

Another week is coming to an end. Somehow, working life seems to fly by much faster. Probably a good thing for me. That means will get over this internship soon and move forward to the other plans I have in mind.
Though I haven't really start on experiments, research work till now isn't exactly my cup of tea. Doing literature review is critical in research, and I suck at it. Somehow, just keep falling asleep whenever I have to go through the piles of reviews and articles. Lab work till now seems fun, cos doing stuff I have never done before. Growing cells is pretty fun. Well, luckily my cell culture teacher is nice too. Oh... manage to speak little bit to the eye candy today. He was lunching at the pantry too today. Haa. Quite 斯文。。hopefully not 斯文败类. Haa. Heard he dives too, so fit my previous description of 阳光男孩。Hee.
I don't want to fall into the trap of leading a life that only revolves around work. It will be so sad. I want to fill my days and time with lots of activities, enrich it to the fullest. Till now, not doing too bad a job of it. But then, slowly, life seems to be getting a bit monotonous. One concern is money. Really want to save $1000 each mth so that can fulfill all my plans after the internship. But now like very hard. So much expenses to cover. Can save $800/mth 偷笑了。Sigh. If want to do many activities and courses, have to spend a lot fo money.. How to achieve the savings target? Dilemma.

Tears

眼泪。

从小，看电视节目或电影时，都很容易掉泪。印象中，每一部迪斯尼的动画都曾让我掉泪，而我姐也总是说我没用。是没用吗？还是感情太丰富？希望是后者吧。

以为长大了，是是非非看多了，也就会比较“铁石心肠”。其实不然。我反而更难以控制眼泪了。虽然并不那么容易掉泪。　但，一掉泪，就像水龙头式的，眼泪直流。好丑！

而现在的我，看着电脑，一边打字，一边哭。 情同姐妹的好友将要离去，追寻自己的梦想。 为她高兴，但也为她哭泣，应为太依依不舍了。　答应她，在机场时，要保持笑容，不可哭。我想我可能办不到。但我会尝试坚持承诺，只希望眼睛会争气。

哭过后，总是会觉得特别累。　可能是身体自我保护的方法吧。累了，就会睡。　不去想太多。一切的烦恼忧伤，　都会在梦里消失。　醒来又可重新开始，一切美好。

Such a Chore

I am pretty much an IT idiot (and my sis will be the moron while my brother is the whiz). Just got back my barely 4 mths old laptop from repair! The whole harddisk crashed! Yeesh, cannot make it. Lost all my personal data, music and photos. Have to pain-stakingly amass them together again. Now, trying to set up all the other softwares and programs. So ma fan.
We have become so reliant on technology. What happened to the good old paper and pen way of documentation? Everything is now done on the computer. Of cos, the advantages of computers are endless, but still, people have become so dependent on technology to do our work, that something like hard disk crash will cost many ppl many nights of sleep.
Similarly, how many of us can survive without our hp for a day. e.g. If you realise that you forgot to bring your hp out at the busstop, will you rather turn back home to pick it up and cost you say $15 cab fare, or live without it for a day? How many of us actually can remember more than 10 telephone numbers?Especially ones of friends whom we have not known for long? What happened to the brilliant telephone number memory that we used to have? I know I lost it somewhere along the lines of growing up...

I Saw a Rainbow

I saw a rainbow. A very beautiful rainbow. It was a complete semi circle arch in full 7 rainbow colours! Saw it in the morning on my colleague's car. 2nd time in my entire life to see such a complete rainbow arch. First time was last year in Australia, on my 3D2N trip to Grampians and Great Ocean Road. Rainbows are so pretty and so rare, especially when we live in Singapore where it's always so cloudy. Today's rainbow was really pretty, too bad a bit misty, so not very clear. But still it was really pretty. Well, it perked up my day! Hee. Now in good spirits! Hope your day was good too!

Travel ... Partner

Recently heard 2 sides of the story of a friend's travel woes. Pity and sympathesize both sides. Let me to rethink of travel issues again.
I always believe a good travel buddy is hard to come by. Especially when you travel like I do, backpacker style, constantly on a budget. Note: Best friends need not equate good travel companion. This is because 相见容易，相处难。Tensions fray easily when both sides are stressed by the daily living matters and choice of attractions and activities. People have different living habits and ways of communication differ greatly. Even more so between guys and girls. Lots of misunderstandings can easily occur and great friendships can be lost.. A huge pity.
Had my try at travelling with friends. Have still yet to find a suitable travel buddy. Think I too budget liao, haa. Not many people (singaporeans in particular) can tahan. Sometimes tensions get so bad, both sides become very irritable. Had my share of tensions. Not a good feeling at all. But luckily, after the trip, things are back to normal. Won't want to lose a dear friend becos of a trip!
Having said all this... If anyone wants to test out living together with your partner but dun agree with cohabitating, can try backpacking together for an extended period of time, say at least 3 weeks? Must be backpacker style, cannot be luxurious holiday. I dare say, backpacking together is the closest thing one can get to finding out about each other's living habits and way of handling little day to day stuff. Through the trip, learn to work together and compromise. Very important if you are looking at the possibility of marriage. Hence, one of my criteria of a marryable guy, will be someone whom I can backpack together for a long while without being sick of each other! Of cos, tensions and arguements are inevitable, but then more importantly is to be able to work things out together. Hmm.. when will I meet such a person? Haa.
Starting to plan my travel goals after my 1 year internship. Really have to work towards it slowly cos my travel plans are long and expensive! Hee. Guess will be a form of motivation to scrimp and save. Maybe even help me curb my cravings and lose weight! Shall attempt to work towards a fit and healthy physique so that I won't have any qualms about trying all sports and adventure when I travel!

Plenty of Thoughts

Can only say that it has been a very eventful week. So eventful that I am tired constantly. Not tired to the point of lethargy but tired such that am not very alert most of the time. Not having problems doing the things I need to do, but just not doing things with enthusiasm.
Work has been pretty stagnant. Doing nothing much except lit research really. But starting to see all the Hierarchical policies in work and how ppl try to push responsibilities to others so as to CYA. Starting to also see the non explicit expectations from the bosses and starting to feel a bit hot under the collar to perform. Hopefully things will gain headway next week with possibilities of culturing my cells. Wonder if it's against my religion doing cell culture. Growing them so that I can kill them in the end! Then again, as a vegetarian, I am in a similar sense killing veges too? Hmm.
Had a scare with the London bombings. Shall not dive into the details. Just glad that my friends are fine. Can't help but feel sadden but how indifferent most Singaporeans are. On the way back on bus, TV mobile was telecasting CNA, reporting latest news abt the attack. However, looking ard, can see that 90% of the passengers can't really give a damn abt it. Prob the mentality is "Hey, it's not in Singapore. What has it got to do with me? Noisy TVmobile." etc. Why are most Singaporeans so complacent? Ever thought how catastrophic such an attack will be? Can you put yourself in the victims shoes? How will you feel? Do you know how to react in the event of disaster? Well, these are the questions I asked myself. I only know I will want myself to be prepared. Becos Singapore is definitely in the eyes of the terrorists. You never know...
Another thought that came to me: What happened in the past couple decades that resulted in such extreme thoughts and actions? There has always been terrorism in the past, but mainly confined to a locality, due to clashes btw religion and race etc. But what caused the present international lash on the civilised countries by all these terrorists? What are the reasons that resulted in the hatred for the civilised world by groups like Al-Qaeda and JI? Guess the reasons are far and wide, too multi-faceted to be discussed easily? Still, it's saddening and alarming. Will there ever be world peace? Maybe not.. and maybe that's why ppl and beauty queens are ever in pursue of it.
Commencement came and went... Nothing much really. Spent >16 years of my life chasing after that piece of paper. Now that I've gotten it... it's lying crumpled on the floor along with my piles of stuff that I don't have time to clear and no place to store. Paper qualifications can only say this little about a person. Please never judge a person by the number of paper qualifications he has. Please do not have a 势利眼. You are doing injustice to the person and to yourself. Due credit must still be given to those who have for I'm sure they put in loads of effort to obtain it, but never look down on another who doesn't. Never judge a person because you never know the circumstances that he has been through. That's something I've learnt during my university years... Though, not from university education. Haa.

Chariots of Fire and ...

Listening to Yanni's Chariots of Fire now. If I didn't remember wrongly, it was one of the Olympic's song too. The results are out. London's the one. Mo, are you amongst the Londoners, joining in the celebration too? Hee. I gasped when London won. Well, like many people, Paris seems to be the hotter favourite of the two. I dun really follow the whole proceedings, but it's hard to miss out on the whole thing when the event is happening in your very own backyard. It's great that we got to host this IOC thingy.. Well like I once read in the papers, Singapore can never host Olympic Games. This comes the next closest? Haa. What's more just think of the mind-bogging estimated $4o million pump into the economy becos of this! The government should have tried to bring in more big events long ago. With our craze for perfection and efficiency, Singapore can no doubt pull off many big shows.
Still sleepy from last night. Was too worried about today's discussion with my supervisor that I didn't really sleep very well. In the end, didn't discuss much. But he did cleared me of a major misconception that had been blocking my progress! Haa. Well, guess now should be able to see things more clearly liao. It's times like that when someone elses' guidance becomes a beam of light out of darkness.
Today's Wednesday already. Time really flies by quite quickly. Already mid week liao. Fri is day off for graduation! Hee. Manage to request for whole day off.. but that means that have to deduct more pay lah of cos. =( Going to watch Ballet Under the Stars too. Yeah! So fun! Having a picnic! Sure look forward to it.

Heavy eyelids...

My eyes are in a state of half-closed. Very sleepy! Not enough sleep last night cos went out to meet my dear PA2 friends (was a greet meet up cos haven't seen them for very long). Then today was a draggy day at work with whole day of lit research. Damn sianz. There's only so much my brain can absorb. Worst thing is that for most of the time, I dun understand what's written in the articles despite reading over many times. Sigh.
Wish I can go sleep already, but tmr suppose to meet up with Sup early morning to discuss the project and present my lit research. Ie, I have to read all those cannot understand and probably mostly not related articles. He expects us to come up with a plan for our project! How to when I'm still rather blur about the goals!? Die liao.
Actually have few things I want to note down. But then, now my brain is too dense to process and put thoughts into words. Maybe later. Buddha... I need sleep!

Discovery

Just realised how to prevent the blank page phenomenon. Preferably don't put Chinese characters in the title of each entry. Think as the URL of the entry uses the title, having chinese characters prevents proper loading. Same for the title of my blog. As such, have to edit all the titles.

Durians, Weekend, Lot

I have eaten durians like at least 6 times since Father's day! Today alone ate twice! My student's mom offered me very good ones - 红虾, Dad bought cheapo ones not very good. I am going to try avoid them as much as I can from now on, cos can't afford to fall sick anymore.
The weekend is drawing to a close already. So fast. Dread the thought of having to wake up early tmr and go to work. Haven't even did my lit research, sianz. Feeling very sleepy now, think I will catch a snooze first before doing my readings. (Trying to put it off for as long as possible.. Argh)
Went to 四马路观音庙today with MN after meeting up for kaya toast. Got a 签 - 下下签。 上面写着：游鱼却住碧波池， 撞遭罗网四边围， 思量无计番身出，事到投来惹是非。Die, basically I will be facing the worst there is to be even if I try to stay home and escape all troubles! And the important thing is: 我求事业！虽然我不是个迷信的人，但是难免有点不安。Does this mean that my internship will be full of perils!? Die. But there's no backing out now. Only thing that I can do now is to give my best and maintain a positive outlook! May the tides turn!!

My daughter - Louxong

Louxong is my daughter, kind of, and she is Laotian. Don't worry, I didn't secretly have a child with a Laotian monk! Haa.
She is actually my sponsered child under World Vision's child sponsership programme which I have just signed up for. She is 9 years old this year, lives in the rurals of Xieng Nguen, northen Laos. Looks very pretty from the photo, but can see a hint of sadness in her eyes. Hopefully, with my little bit of help, her next picture will be one with a smile.
Been wanting to sponser a child ever since I learnt about World Vision back in 2000. Must thank Kit Chan for that! Haa. She's my idol, and was World Vision's ambassador for that year, that's how I got to know about it. Didn't get round to doing this till now cos money is a factor. Actually, it isn't a lot. Only $45/mth for each sponsered child. But guess back then, I dun have the spare cash. Now that I am earning a regular income, it's time for me to contribute as I have intended years ago.
It's only natural that my country of choice is Laos. Afterall, I have a 剪不断，理还乱relationship with Laos. Well, technically it's not really complicated also lah. It's just that Laos has always occupied a special place in my heart. Hee. Anyhow, I have the intention to slowly increase my number of sponsered children as my finances become more 宽裕. Next country on the pipeline will be either Cambodia or Thailand. Cambodia because of PA2, my life changing experience. Thailand.. Haa.. Well.. Massage and.. Him! Haa.
If your finances allow, I encourage you to join the child sponsership programme. I am sure it will be a very enriching contribution as you get to correspond with your child and learn about each other's lives. Think about it! We can then share our parenting experiences together!! Haa.

Well... Wasn't that bad.

Yup, went through my first day of work. It was alright. Basically was a day of orientation, where we were briefed about the organisation, safety and admin stuff. Got to choose our research project that will be our lives for the next half year at least... Mine is related to gylcoproteins - basically proteins with sugars and modifications done on them. So I will have to find ways to find out what are the series of gylcoproteins that occur inside the cells as they transform. Don't ask me how I'm gonna do that... Have zero clue for now. Thankfully, my supervisor seems a really nice guy. Then again, they all do seem very nice initially. But you will never know their true nature until you start working in the lab! Got another supervisor too.. a lady, seems pretty nice too. Hopefully, I was right in getting this project. How nice your supervisor is can make a hell lot of difference to an enriching year or a year of torture. Well, the real floundering and horrors will start on Monday... So gonna relax this weekend while I still can. Have to do literature research though... Ah!
Oh... developed a splitting headache as the day progressed. Think whenever I have to concentrate for long periods of time after having been used to slacking, I will develop a headache. (Occurred on the 1st day of massage class too! Haa.) Brain not used to so much work lah... Think once I get used to it, should be fine. Though really have to stash a stock of Panadol Actifast! Haa.
Will be able to go for my graduation too.. Thank god. But only half a day of leave! Have to go back to work after lunch. Oh well... This is the reality of life!

This is it...

Yup. This is it. About 8.5hrs later, I will be embarking on the money making phase of my life, along with all the paying bills part. Just learnt from my friend who is also in the internship, that they have changed the arrangement of the programme. We are going to start on a research project first for half a year before going into the lecture and practical series. Doesn't quite make sense to me really. We interns specialise in all different areas. Like me, I know like practically zero stuff about bioprocessing, biopharma and microbiology, so how can I launch into the project without any background knowledge? Hmm... Doesn't sound like a good plan at all. Will spent most of the time wasting on catching up on background stuff, then really be researching! Hopefully, they will have a better guided outline for us tmr. Really hope that they aren't going to just use us as cheap labour! Well.. Guess I can do nothing about it liao, already signed 1 year of my life away. Can only pray... Oh dear Buddha! Please let me have a fulfilling and enriching year ahead! Pray for me!